jueves, 23 de enero de 2014

Singing your Shades. Chapter 6.

Voy a empezar este post diciendo que es la primera vez que voy participar en una FIESTA DE ENLACES, gran idea de mi amiga Laia (http://bakesweetsnotwar.blogspot.com.es/). Para ello, enlazaré este capítulo al blog "Personalización de blogs". Fiesta de enlaces del Blog Personalización de Blogs 
Una vez dicho esto, aquí teneis un nuevo y emotivo capítulo, lleno de buenas canciones, que podéis encontrar actualizadas en Spotify y YouTube. También he añadido a la lista de "Mis páginas" un tablero de Pinterest. ¡Espero que os guste!
First of all, I have to tell you that this is my first time in a BLOG/LINK PARTY,  a great idea  of a friend of mine, Laia (http://bakesweetsnotwar.blogspot.com.es/). I'm linking this chapter to the blog "Personalización de blogs". http://www.personalizaciondeblogs.blogspot.com.es/2014/01/fiesta-de-enlaces-num-51.HTML
Having said this, here you are a new and moving chapter, full of good songs, that you can find updated in the Spotify playlist and also in the YouTube Chanel. I also have added to "Mis páginas" list a Pinterest Board. I hope you like it!

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CHAPTER 6.

“It’s fantastic, Ana! You already have a job waiting for you after our graduation, in Seattle!” Kate said with delight, clapping her hands and jumping as a teenager.
“Congratulations, Ana” José hugged her tight raising her from the ground.
“Be careful with my girl, José” Ray chuckled with pride in his eyes. “You’ve played beautifully, Ana, and these are very good news! I’m very proud of you!” He caressed affectionately Ana’s face.
“Oh, I’m so excited! I don’t know what to say! I hope I won’t ruin this opportunity!” Ana said, smiling nervously.
“Oh, don’t you dare thinking like this! Let’s go celebrate!” Kate stated guiding them out of the theatre.
# # # #
When Ana arrived home, she borrowed Kate’s laptop and went to her bedroom. She tapped her thighs nervously with her fingers, cross legged, while it was switched on. She needed to read about him. She was getting used to his e-mails, sometimes a little bit naughty, but always gentle, and always sincere, at least it was what it seemed. She loved the way he teased her, the way he made her laugh and made her feel… something more. Something she didn’t want to name. And it was so much fun to find the right songs to tease him, to show him she cared… to please him. She bitted her lip. This was becoming much more than banter, at least for her. What if they met? He would realize how the real Ana was; shy, with low self esteem, just one more girl. She immediately thought about the grey-eyed boy. She kept waiting for him, but he didn’t come. She had seen something in his eyes she probably misunderstood. Probably this was also the case, with Fifty. She acceded to her e-mail and looked for one of him. There it was. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Dear Midnight Sun,
What are you doing to me?
You’ve turned my world upside down. I used to crave control, it was my top priority, and now it slips through my fingers with only thinking about you. You have entered into my mind in such a way I can’t understand. Why do I feel so connected to you? Why do I have the strength to make changes in my life I never thought I would be brave enough, just because of you? It scares me.
From the very first time I heard your voice I was drawn to you, and transported to a place I was only once, and where I thought I would never return. That was a door I never thought would be opened again.
I used to think I was a loner. It was the right thing to me. I was comfortable and secure. But now I feel something is missing. People keep telling me lately I’m “distracted”, but the truth is I’m totally focused in one single thing. I can´t think in anything else but you. Again, that scares me a lot.
I love the way you try to communicate with me. I love the songs you choose and I love it when you say my name, with that sweet voice of yours. It carries me to a safe place. I would love even more hearing you saying my real name, but I don’t deserve it. It would not be fair for you. Maybe I’m not brave enough.
I will resign myself to listen to you from the distance, enjoying every second of it, and craving for the next time to hear you with a smile playing on my lips and a load in my chest.
Sincerely yours,
Fifty.
Ana was shocked. God, that was really intense. She also felt connected with him, in a way she didn’t understand. She felt butterflies in her stomach. She only felt the same way thinking about the grey-eyed boy. In fact, her latest fantasies were a mixture of both men. A perfect combination. She would like to know his real name. She would like to whisper it in his ear. Ana closed her eyes, and suddenly she smelt the scent of that boy. “I can´t think in anything else but you”. Oh, my. If only he knew. But, why didn’t he tell her his name? And why the hell did not he give her an e-mail direction to reply? It was much more difficult this way. But much more fun. Maybe he had his own self esteem issues. He was afraid of rejection. That was a feeling Ana knew so well. Maybe he only was playing with her. Or maybe he was very ill and he could not be surrounded by other people. Or maybe he was dangerous, some kind of serial killer, or something. That was weird.
That night Ana dreamt about smoldering grey eyes watching her, strong arms holding her tight, gentle hands caressing her body, smiles, kisses, and she whispering soothing words close to the ear of his beloved. The appearance of him was the one of the grey-eyed boy, but she was thinking about Fifty.
She woke up with a decision made. She had to try. She desperately had to do it. Would he want to meet her?
After her scheduled classes, she spent all the afternoon choosing the right songs. She texted José to make him know the list of songs would be ready by the evening.
# # # #
“Are you sure about this?” José said frowning, pointing to the list of songs Ana had chosen. “It’s a weird list…”
“It’s cool”.
“It’s weird”. José repeated.
“Don’t you think these are good songs?” Ana told raising an eyebrow.
“I think so, but that’s not the point. I don’t know what you are thinking… Are you trying to prove something…to someone?” He suspected all this stuff was about that guy who was e-mailing her, or the other one. Who cared? He was really pissed off.
“José, that’s the idea” Ana sighed.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea” He replied narrowing his eyes.
“Do you have any problem?” Ana said tilting her head.
“Yes, I have a problem”. He stated crossing his arms on his chest.
“What’s your problem, then?” She said clenching her hands on her hips.
“Ana, you know really well what my problem is…” José said through gritted teeth, staring at her, with an unfathomable glare.
“José, don't. Let me be”. Ana turned on her heels and went away. She knew she was behaving like a bitch, but she didn’t need José’s harassment in that moment.
“Whatever!” José yelled frustrated.
An hour after, they were prepared to begin the program. José was deadly serious, and Ana felt her heart ached a little. She didn’t want to lose such a valuable friend like José. She looked at him sideways, and he made a signal moving his right hand with the index and middle fingers stretched. That was it. The moment of truth.
“Good night guys! Welcome back to our program. I’m Midnight Sun and we aim to fill your ears and your mouths with good music.”
Christian hurried to arrive to his apartment. The last meeting went well, really well, although those Taiwanese were a really hard case. He had to use all his negotiation skills, and it was awfully interminable. He went directly to his bedroom, throwing to the floor his briefcase, his jacket, shoes and socks and jumping to the bed. He switched on the laptop and put it on his legs. The other day, he had e-mailed her after his outburst with Elena, and, although everything he wrote was true, he didn’t mean to expose himself so much. Now, he was craving for hearing her response.
“Tonight I have a mission. I want to express myself as I’ve never done before. I want you to know me; not my name, not even my face. I want to be honest and show you my strengths and my weaknesses. This way, maybe you could trust me. Sometimes I am in a lack of trust too, but today I want to try. Do you?” Ana had chosen carefully the songs she wanted to play that night. They were songs with a strong meaning for her. She wanted to expose herself to Fifty, show him who she really was, the good and the bad; show him they probably weren’t so different, and make him understand that he could count on her.
Christian felt the drums of the song resounding in his chest, taking up the rhythm of his heartbeat, and suddenly the sound got trapped in it. He grabbed the sheets with both his hands until his knuckles went white. This was her response. She was opening her soul to him in the only way she could. The electric guitars filled his ears and the words entered in his psyche.
“...I try to let go, but I know
We'll never end 'til we're dust
We lied to each other again
But I wish I could trust.
My body aches from mistakes
Betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much
That in nothing we trust”.
Ana was biting her lip until it hurt. Tears were in the back of her eyes. She didn't regret of doing anything, but it was so difficult for her. What if she scared him even more?
Christian’s breathing became erratic and his mouth went dry. He realized what she was asking him for. He did not even trust himself... How was it possible to trust someone else? He could only trust one person, that blue-eyed girl. He saw it in her eyes; innocence, pureness. Could he trust Midnight Sun? What if she hurt him? That was a big, big step. He covered his face with both his hands and rubbed it furiously. Then, he realized that maybe she was also talking about herself. It was not only a call for trust. She also had her own issues.
“This was Trust, from the 1997 album Cryptic writings. Megadeth is one the most important trash metal bands. It was founded by Dave Mustaine in Los Angeles, California in 1983. I also recommend you their hit A tout le monde, suitable even for those who are not used to this type of music.” Ana took a deep breath; her heartbeat was increasing dangerously.
“Now I want to show you a very particular song, called Your woman. It was released in 1997 by the one-man band White Town. It peaked at number one in the UK Singles Chart. It also topped the charts around Europe and peaked at number 23 in the US Billboard top100.” Ana grabbed the sheet of paper with trembling hands. She focused her eyes on it, although she knew by heart all the information she was giving. “The song parodies another song from the 1930s called My Woman, clearly recognized by its muted trumpet line. The author wanted to twist the misogynist lyrics from the earlier song and add some different perspectives. Some people think it could be a little bit ambiguous. For me, this song puts your mind in a slightly displaced state where you aren't so sure about certain things, where you begin to wonder about the options you choose in life. Think about it; it’s not only about you, but about me. I will need some reassurance too. It will have to be a two-way process”.
Ana closed her eyes while the prudish and old-fashioned first notes of the song filled the room. She wondered what he would be thinking.
“Just tell me what you've come to say to me
I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth
It comes as no surprise at all you see
So cut the crap and tell me that we're through
Now I know your heart, I know your mind
You don't even know you're being unkind
So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways
Just use me up and then you walk away
Boy, you can't play me that way
Well I guess what you say is true
I could never be the right kind of girl for you
I could never be your woman”
Christian drank in her words. She was being brutally sincere. And she was asking him for sincerity; she was demanding it. But also she was showing him a great load of trust and commitment showing him her fears. He closed his eyes and his mind flowed with the almost hypnotic effect of the song. When it finished, almost immediately another song began. Midnight Sun didn’t say a word between them. It was very dark and sensual, and full of angst. The notes enveloped him like a warm thick mist. Christian knew this song. He had listened to it several times. It talked about fear. Fear to be trapped, and then fear not to be able to run away from that trap because you are in need of it. Was she talking about her o about him?
“Never thought you'd make me perspire.
Never thought I'd do you the same.
Never thought I'd fill with desire.
Never thought I'd feel so ashamed.
Me and the dragon can chase all the pain away.
So before I end my day, remember…
My sweet prince, you are the one.
My sweet prince
you are the one”
Ana could not talk anything because of the lump in her throat, and she made a signal with her hand to José to put the next song just after the previous one. She was as pale as a sheet of paper. José was angry with her, and pretended not to notice her demeanor. When this song finished, she had regained a little of her composure.
“This was Placebo’s Sweet prince, from their 1998 album Without you I’m nothing. The song, according to the singer Brian Molko, talks about two romances, one with drugs and one with a person, which they both ended very tragically”. Anastasia sighed heavily, emptying her lungs. “We all have our fears and our demons. I only wanted you to know”.
Christian leaned his back on the headboard. His mind had gone blank. He couldn’t think about anything. He felt numb. This challenge was directly for him, and he was scared.
“I’m an imperfect human being. I have a dark side too. We all have one. I know you are scared. Me too. My hands are trembling now. My heart is pounding crazily”. Ana put both her hands over her heart. “The blood is drained from my face. But I’m here. I wanted you to know I will always be”.
Christian came back from his lethargy; her words piercing in his mind and his soul, the same way those beautiful blue eyes had done six years ago. He would not ever forget those eyes, and neither these words. It was pure and raw sincerity.
“This song doesn’t need any presentation. I’ll stand by you”.
“Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
I'll stand by you”
Christian stood up and paced up and down the room. He licked his lips because his mouth had gone dry again. She was a very brave woman. Did he deserve her? He didn’t understand why she felt that way towards him, but it seemed it was the same way he felt towards her. How was that possible? How could he deserve her? She was out of his league, wasn’t she? She was intelligent and talented, and sure she was kind and generous. He was not any of those things; he had a dark soul and could not love or be loved. She seemed like an angel, and he was evil. But then again he felt this feeling that embraced him six years ago: someone caring for him. No more loneliness. Now he could feel it near, caressing him softly. Why not grab it with both hands?
“Wow, The Pretenders never disappoint, don’t they?” Ana sighed again. She felt exhausted. “Well, today I have brought my guitar. I wanted to sing you a song about how tough can be to show the world your true self. I know it for sure; I’m a kind of freak! My friends and family keep telling me to come down to the real world, but I keep fantasizing about silly things… I know they don’t understand me, and I know they probably are right, but I can’t help it. I’ll always keep trying”. Ana took her guitar and positioned herself in front of the microphone. “You know I use to dedicate my last song to a certain person… my sad-eyed boy. Today, I also want to dedicate it to another recently earned friend. In fact, all the songs of today’s program were dedicated to you, Fifty. This is Iris, from the Goo Goo Dolls 1998 album Dizzy up the girl. I hope you like it”. Ana strummed her guitar and began singing with her eyes closed.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Christian relished with the sound of her voice. He felt safe. He felt cared. He couldn’t help imagine the blue-eyed girl singing for him; gazing at him with those beautiful eyes in her beautiful face. But she was almost a dream, and Midnight Sun was real; as real as the feeling in his chest. “I’ll always keep trying”. He let her warm embrace hold him and rock him, and he fell asleep in his bed with a smile in his face.
“I’m Midnight Sun and this has been today’s program. Sweet dreams”.
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Ya me diréis que os ha parecido... y qué os parecen las canciones. A mí me está encantando escribir esta historia!
Now, tell me what you think... and what about the songs? I'm really enjoying writing this story!

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